The Sex is good but.....

The only thing we have in common is sex. He or she is great in bed but...

Does this sound familiar? Does it apply to your relationship?

If sex is the only thing that you have in common with your mate, then you don't have a relationship. You have an outlet. You have a vessel. You have an easy access to sex with someone you feel comfortable with and that you trust... as far as the sex goes. But what about the other facets of the relationship?

Are you on the same wavelengths when it comes to money? How about confiding with each other? How about your goals in life, your interests, the things you eat, the places you like to go, the people you associate with?

Do you only communicate after sex or do you just want to be left alone after your desires are satisfied? Rolling over and going to sleep without so much as a thank you is not a good thing.

Wanting to discuss the events of the day and what you had to go through at work before or after sex is a sign of trouble. Instead of cuddling and feeling each other up, you feel the need to vacuum the floor or fix the roof at three in the morning is a very bad sign that something is wrong.

Sex is the most intimate act that two people can share together. Yet it is only a part of the whole of a relationship. Sex should be reserved for sex. But if you can't bring feeling, compassion, passion and true caring to the bedroom or couch or floor or front lawn or the back seat of your car, then all you have is an outlet.

There is no relationship. Period. Check yourself.

A Change is Gonna Come

I got the title from Sam Cook. Remember? "Hold on I'm coming", "A Change is Gonna Come." Oh well... forget it.

I've given much thought to whether or not I should post this new entry. I didn't want this blog to come off as a dating site or descend into "I'm hot look at my body" or "I'm Greta, visit my site for a good time" kind of thing.

Mainly, I thought this blog would be a good idea for people who have been in (and are still in) bad relationships or have, through unfortunate circumstances, lost their soul mates and would like to get them back, to come to and express their feelings.

So. In some of my recent posts I have mentioned a certain woman by the name of Renee. Check out the archives. She has been on my mind a lot as of late. And so I had an idea. I'm going to kick this blog up a notch.

Starting with this post, I'm going to move things around a bit and make room for myself... and you, if you are so inclined, to post a message for your lost love. It's free.

Real simple rules here. Keep it to three or four lines. Leave messages if you wish. You can include your email or not or go through my email at the top of the page and I'll try to hook you up. Please, no long rambling letters. After all, this is just a blog. Videos are welcome. Keep them short and half way decent. If you have to use foul language and are trying to win back the person you love, then you are on a fools errand. Straight out. That's the way it is.

By the way. This is free. And please, no porno. Just had a thought(my quota for the day). You'll have to email me your videos or messages and I'll post them. Try to keep it sorta clean.

Paying Attention

I just came across a new word today. Well, new to me anyway.

Have any of you heard of this one? Paraverbal Mechanism. Well...yeah, it's two words. Okay? Anyway, what it means is: the messages we transmit through the tone, pitch and pacing of our voice. It's not what we say, but how we say it.

Here's another definition. The Paraverbal Mechanism relates to how we say what we say through tone and inflection. Did you get that?

Here's the breakdown.
The verbal mechanism refers to the content of the message.
The nonverbal mechanism refers to the message we send through our body language.

The verbal mechanism:    "Get your hand off my ass."
The Paraverbal Mechanism:     How did she say it? 
                              What was her 
                              facial expression? 
                              The tone of her voice?
The nonverbal mechanism:      Did she punch you in the 
                              face?

Now the fact that she didn't punch you in the face could be taken as a mixed signal, and you could be headed for big time trouble, because women have a talent for sending out scrambled signals. It brings to mind the ancient refrain that men have echoed down through the centuries... "What'd I say?"

Remember, it's not what you say or do. It's how you do it and the manner in which you say it? Paraverbal.

The verbal and non verbal mechanisms are very important in relationships. We are sending out non verbal signals constantly. How good are you at reading your partner? Can you tell what mood she's in by just watching her? Do you listen when your partner talks to you? Do you pay attention to what she is saying and how she is saying it? It's called giving him/her your undivided attention.

Stop listening with "half" an ear. Now that doesn't mean you have to hang onto every word. Just pay attention.

A Moment in Time

The storm raged about them. The wind howled and tore at their ragged clothing. The sky laden with gray and foreboding clouds pressed down on them. Back in the day, in another time and another place they use to call the the wind the "Hawk", the almighty Hawk. Crouching here behind this great slab of rock, it was easy to understand why. The wind and cold was relentless, Just as a hawk is relentless in the hunting of its prey.

The dogs had picked up their scent.


It was a foregone conclusion as far as she was concerned. They were going to die. The cold was insinuating itself into every nook and cranny of the body. Her fingers and toes were beginning to go numb.

"We can make it," he said to her from cold pitted, crack lips. Small clumps of ice were forming over his eyebrows and in the corner of his eyes

"I don't think I can do it. I'm afraid," she replied.

"Just follow my lead and don't let go of my hand.I won't let anything happen to you. We must survive. Do you understand?"

She shook her head... yes. But she was afraid. Across the lake lay freedom and a new life. She knew they had only two choices. Attempt to cross the lake or stay here and freeze to death, that is, if the dogs didn't get to them first. At the moment neither choice appealed to her.

He saw the hesitation in her face.

"Look. Right now you only have to do two things: Stand up and take my hand.
Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

Through the bitter cold and biting wind, he managed a smile, which cracked the ice forming around his eyes and for a moment, a brief micro-ism in time she thought she saw a gleam in his eyes, an eldrich light that seemed to come from within and she knew. And that was enough.

Together they rose as one, her hand in his and set out across the frozen lake, the guard dogs in hot pursuit.

Trust.


Trust is one of the sacred words. If you don't have trust, you have nothing.

Trust is one of the building blocks of not only religion but society as a whole.

Words have power.

What do you think???

Trust

Let's talk about trust.

I wanted to talk about arguments in a relationship, because the phrase "constructive arguing" came to mind. What the hell is that? Isn't arguing constructively called a debate?

But that's for another post.

Back to trust. What is trust and how deep does it go? Is blind trust the same as faithful trust?  Are there degrees of trust within the relationship? Did you have blind trust in your partner when you first got together. Or did you trust them on some things and not others?
Make no mistakes here. I'm not talking about trusting your husband to take out the garbage or not forgetting the milk you told him to pick up from the store. I'm talking about life choices here.

Here's an example. Old black and white movie (whose title I can't recall) with Errol Flynn and Myrna Loy. Errol was one of the first bad boys along with James Cagney and George Raft. Anyway, Errol, being the ladies man that he was was at a ballroom dance with Myrna Loy in the movie. He danced and flirted with a great many women while Myrna Loy sat at the table, sipped champagne and smiled a lot. When one of her friends ask her whether or not she was worried that one of the many women coming on to him would steal him away, she turned her head to her friend, smiled and said," He may flirt and dance with them, but at the end of the night he comes home with me."

Can you say the same about your partner? Or has something happened in the relationship to turn your unfailing trust into just plain old trust? What's the difference? Here's another example. I love examples.
Your husband has just told you to go jump off a cliff (I know, I know). When you had unfailing trust you would have happily obliged, because you knew he would have stopped you or at the very least provided a net for you to land in.

But now you have plain old every day trust. With doubts. But the ordinary trust overrides your common sense and you jump off the cliff.  And to your relief you see that there is indeed a net. But with heightened senses, because of the situation you're in, you also notice that one of the nets corners hasn't been tied off and you realize that instead of having a rough but safe landing, you are going to die.

As your body strikes one of the many rocks below, shattering your ribs and driving shards of bone into your heart, you manage to roll over accompanied by massive pain and great gouts of blood issuing from your various orifices, you see a blurred image of your life partner at the top of the cliff frantically waving his or hands and yelling, "Honey! I forgot to tell you we need more rope!"

So what do you have in your partner? Unfailing trust or plain old every day ordinary trust. Think hard on this because the wrong choice could have very unpleasant consequences.