Paying Attention

I just came across a new word today. Well, new to me anyway.

Have any of you heard of this one? Paraverbal Mechanism. Well...yeah, it's two words. Okay? Anyway, what it means is: the messages we transmit through the tone, pitch and pacing of our voice. It's not what we say, but how we say it.

Here's another definition. The Paraverbal Mechanism relates to how we say what we say through tone and inflection. Did you get that?

Here's the breakdown.
The verbal mechanism refers to the content of the message.
The nonverbal mechanism refers to the message we send through our body language.

The verbal mechanism:    "Get your hand off my ass."
The Paraverbal Mechanism:     How did she say it? 
                              What was her 
                              facial expression? 
                              The tone of her voice?
The nonverbal mechanism:      Did she punch you in the 
                              face?

Now the fact that she didn't punch you in the face could be taken as a mixed signal, and you could be headed for big time trouble, because women have a talent for sending out scrambled signals. It brings to mind the ancient refrain that men have echoed down through the centuries... "What'd I say?"

Remember, it's not what you say or do. It's how you do it and the manner in which you say it? Paraverbal.

The verbal and non verbal mechanisms are very important in relationships. We are sending out non verbal signals constantly. How good are you at reading your partner? Can you tell what mood she's in by just watching her? Do you listen when your partner talks to you? Do you pay attention to what she is saying and how she is saying it? It's called giving him/her your undivided attention.

Stop listening with "half" an ear. Now that doesn't mean you have to hang onto every word. Just pay attention.